I'm A Patsy - Gotta Problem With That?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Some funny stuff and some sad stuff

Last night Craig Ferguson was ecstatic! There was another republican governor to kick around. Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina, took a hike on the Appalachian Trail which is a euphemism for having an affair. I loved seeing Craig so happy with all the new material and the farting he added to Sanford’s speech. That should keep him going until the next republican governor decides to take a hike on the Appalachian Trail. I love watching the speeches the way Craig does it. He should add farting to everyone’s speech. Sanford said he spent 5 days crying in Argentina with his sweetie. I wonder if someone was singing, “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina,” which would have been appropriate about that time. I’m sure Craig and all the other Late Night guys will have a lot to talk about for quite a while.

After I wrote the above, Cindy called to tell me Michael Jackson had died. My response was, “You’re kidding!” Now it’s all over television and radio. He was a pop icon, and broke ground for so much of the music business with his videos that were like nothing else. “Thriller” sold more than any other video ever. He danced like no one else – his Moonwalk was something to see. I just googled “Thriller” and “Beat It” and was so impressed with his dancing and movements on the dance floor. He had a troubled childhood and more troubled adult life. But I never thought of him as an adult – he was childlike but also very shrewd. My daughters were more in tune with his music, but I watched his career go to the top and then the bottom. He was planning a tour in London to re-start his career and also make some money which he needed. It’s sad he couldn’t have accomplished that. He was only 50.

During the morning I heard that Farrah Fawcett had died which was not a surprise as she had been valiantly fighting cancer for several years. But it still was sad as she was such a beautiful person and was fighting so hard. I watched her career from the beginning and was always impressed with her choices. She wanted to do drama after “Charlie’s Angels” and she did and did it extremely well. She was only 62.

This has been a bad time for Hollywood as so many people have been dying. I guess everyone dies sometime, but some of them have been too young. Death is not welcome anytime as far as I’m concerned.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


Virgin Mary

Yesterday I was out on my deck trying to clean up some of the bird poop that Larry and his friends leave on the deck. It’s not only Larry coming every day – it’s other birds that stop by and eat and make messes. Sometimes two come at once. I wasn’t planning on this when I started feeding Larry during the dead of winter. Now I’m wondering what I’m going to do with all of the mess out there. So I was sweeping up all the bird seed they throw out when they scratch at it. When I put a new batch of seeds on the ledge, the sparrows will come and get right in the middle of it and scratch at it with their tiny, little feet, and the seeds go flying off the ledge onto the deck. Then they jump down to the deck where they do their thing. I never planned on having a deck full of bird poop and seeds. Some people have company and sit out on their decks and have cocktails, but do I? No, we sit in the house and watch Larry and his friends, scratch and poop all over the place. I’ve tried to take pictures of some of them, but I just can’t get close enough

Yesterday afternoon one of the birds lit on the ledge and sang a loud beautiful song! I’ve never had that happen before. He didn’t stay long. But later I saw two sparrows – one was bigger and sort of puffy and the other one was slimmer. The slim one was feeding the puffy one! They were sitting on the ledge amidst all the seeds and Slim would pick up seeds and Puffy would open his mouth wide and make chirping noises. I was transfixed. This went on for quite some time before they left. But they were back as the sun was going down, doing the same thing again. I didn’t try to get close as I knew they would leave. One time when Slim left, Puffy did peck at the seeds himself, so he was learning. I called the Audubon Society this morning and they said what I thought was happening. The mother was teaching the youngster how to hunt and get by as he grew up. I can’t believe I have all this on my deck. I could spend all day just watching them.

I was also watering my plants and checking on my potato plant that is getting so big and almost blooming. I was examining the plant very closely, when all of a sudden I noticed the image of the Virgin Mary among all the leaves! Sure enough, there she was right in the middle of the plant. I took a picture and you can see just where she is. If you can’t see her at first, just look at the photo until you do. It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll bet if you stare at the picture for at least 36. . . 40 minutes, you’ll find the virgin. I didn’t tell anyone as I didn’t want crowds of people on my deck. I know there was an image of the Virgin Mary on a toasted cheese sandwich someplace, but this is better as it’s on something that’s growing. I’m wondering how I could market this – maybe I should contact an agent or a PR person who could get the word out. I could charge a nominal fee for people to just look at the potato plant. And if a virgin stopped by, I could take her picture by the Virgin Mary potato plant. I would have to charge more for that – it’s something to think about.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Craig Ferguson show 6/18/09

I watched Craig Ferguson this morning from the DVR I made last night. He did one bit about John Ensign, the Nevada senator, Chairman of Republican Policy Committee, or at least he was up until yesterday. He resigned because he had an affair with one of his staffers. He was always high on family values . . . but then aren’t they all? He said Ensign was unusual in that the affair was with a woman. He said it was nice to see the senator was branching out a little, and Craig said that’s a change he can believe in. He said that’s the sort of news vulgar lounge entertainers like him live for! When politicians on the left do something bad, politicians on the right are delighted and vice versa. But he doesn’t care who it is – it gives him material for his show.

And then he said he had a clip of the senator giving his resignation speech, but it would be too dull to show. But then he thought of adding farts to it! So he ran it, and the senator said about four lines, after which each time there would be a loud fart! I laughed so hard I almost fell off the couch! When people ask why he laughs at fart jokes, he says “Because they’re funny.” I agree – I think they’re hysterical. He ended with a message to all the politicians who keep screwing up: “Thank you hypocritical bastards – thank you!”

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Last Sunday, I sat down for breakfast with my Parade magazine as I do every Sunday. I started with the Personality section on the first page. There was an item about Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and the way they dress. Suri is always turned out in the latest fashions as is her mother, of course. You wonder if that kid ever just slops around in her pajamas or gets dirty playing outside. Whereas Shiloh dresses like a normal kid which suits the lifestyle of her family. If I were a child and could choose which family I’d live with, it certainly wouldn’t be the Cruise family. Not only would I have to dress like a princess and probably act like one, I’d have to become a Scientologist! Very scary!

When Teri and Cindy were little, they dressed very casually as that was our family way. We couldn’t keep up with fashions for tots and didn’t even know there was such a thing. I made most of their clothes and cut their hair. I found this picture of them when they were young but am not quite sure what the story was behind it. They were obviously dressing up. Teri’s bangs were always a disaster. I would start on one side and continue on to the other side. The result was one side was always shorter, so I’d start on the opposite side and go to the other side. They were never straight and usually too short after my many attempts to make them look normal. I don’t know what happened with Cindy’s bangs – her hair was long and messy when she was really little. I think Teri finally decided to grow her bangs out, probably to get away from my styling which didn’t go too well. From the looks of them, I think they’d fit quite well into the Jolie-Pitt family. They’re probably too old for adoption now which is too bad.

I then looked through the Parade and found articles telling of free fairs and festivals throughout the country. That looked promising until I read about a Scottish festival where women are invited to throw a 1-pound frozen haggis while balancing on a half whiskey barrel. I know! There are games for men which I couldn’t understand, and there was a 1-mile kilted run/walk. That should be interesting. I don’t understand the haggis thing. That is a disgusting food made out of sheep lungs, liver, heart, etc. Why would anyone even get near it and balancing on a whisky barrel? I don’t think so. I watch Craig Ferguson religiously every night and he sometimes mentions haggis, but not in a good way – and he’s from Scotland. That whole fair sounded rather disgusting so I didn’t read further.

So I put down the Parade magazine and looked out my window, across my deck at the Willamette River not too far from me. A beautiful view. Then I looked to my left out the window which is right on a street where people walk their dogs to get to the path by the river. Then I watch them come back, always carrying a plastic bag full of poop. After all that, I was ready to start my day.

Sunday, June 07, 2009


Devastation and Destruction

The other day, Diane came over and we went out to lunch. First we looked for my shoes. I’ve lost a pair of shoes and have turned the house upside down looking for them. But no luck. So off we went for some good food and wine. Later in the afternoon I think I may have been watching “Snapped” on TV – you know the show where the wife or girlfriend is always a bitch and kills her husband or boyfriend. It’s great for people who don’t want to get too involved in a story as it starts with the murder, arrest of the bitch, moves on to the trial and then it’s over and another one comes on – and this is all done in half an hour! How about that? So as I was watching, the National Weather Service came on which of course was the end of any sort of television I wanted to watch. They had a big crawl on the screen listing every county in Oregon that was expecting a huge thunder and lightning storm almost immediately. So there was nothing but Weather on TV for hours. That was a drag. I’ll bet I saw the same tree down on the same house 10 times throughout the evening. Where I live it didn’t get too bad although we had quite a wind and one big crack of lightning and huge thunder right after it. I was careful and didn’t get close to the windows, stayed away from running water and even unplugged my phone in the kitchen. My two other phones were still plugged in, and kept ringing and ringing – I never answered. That was so annoying. When Teri and Cindy were little and we had thunder storms, I had us all sit in the middle of the living room on the floor, away from all outlets, windows and running water. And most of all, no talking on the phone. They thought I was crazy, but they’re alive and well today. Now who’s crazy?

When the storm was all over, I plugged in the part of the phone that controls the answering machine. Of course, I had to put a new message on as that man was taking messages, and I don’t even know him. That meant I had to find the instruction book and read up on how to record a Greeting. So I found the book, studied it and then made my Greeting. I didn’t like it, so I did it again. I didn’t like that one either and said, “Oh shit!” which was recorded in the greeting. So I started all over again and finally got one that was acceptable. I say only a few words – it’s not as if I were giving a dissertation so it shouldn’t be that difficult. The next morning I heard the phone in my bedroom ringing and ringing but my phone out in the kitchen wasn’t doing anything. I picked it up and it was dead! And then I noticed I hadn’t plugged in the actual phone line. No more storms for me! The next day I went out to see if my car had been smashed in by some big tree or branch and decided to take a picture of the devastation. The destruction was minimal as shown in the picture.

I notice David Carradine will be starring in the next episode of the new Fox show “Mental” which I reviewed on May 2. This one will be on Tuesday night. David plays an author who is struck by lightning along with his wife. She dies and he is left catatonic. The good Dr. Gallagher, Director of Psychiatric Services at the hospital, desperately tries to save him using his unorthodox ways. I don’t know how things turn out and won’t until Tuesday. Maybe David should have spent more quality time with Dr. Gallagher.