I'm A Patsy - Gotta Problem With That?

Tuesday, August 19, 2014



What's up with all the dating services?

There are so many dating services out there these days that it's hard to keep track of them . . . but who would want to? I get ads on my computer every day which I just delete immediately. There are ads for young people, ads for religious people, ads that promise to set you up with someone of your age group with like interests -- I guess that means old people.

There is also speed dating which I think is a riot! I can't imagine a group of people participating in that where they all take part at the same time and go from one person to the next in about 5 minutes. It must work something like this:

(Millennials looking for dates)

Shirley: Hi, I'm Shirley.
Jerry:    Hi, I'm Jerry and you are surely pretty, Shirley.
Shirley:  I don't think you're funny.
Jerry:     And I surely don't really think you're pretty, Shirley.
Shirley:  So why don't you just f***  off, Jerry!
                              
                           B U  Z Z E R !!!

(Religious people looking for good people and dates)

George: Hi, I'm George
Sarah:     Hi, I'm Sarah and I go to church every Sunday and twice during the week.
George:  Why do you do that, Sarah?
Sarah:    Because I need to confess. I'm married and sleeping with my mailman.
George:  I'm a UPS man and faster than a mailman.
Sarah:    Sounds good to me - You're on!

                          B U Z Z E R !!!

(Old people looking for . . . they can't remember just what it is)

Larry:    Hi, I'm Larry.
Sally:    Hi, I'm Sally. What are doing here?
Larry:    I don't know.
Sally:    Where do you live?
Larry:    uhhh . . . .
Sally:    Do you want to take me home?
Larry:    I think I just peed my pants.

                        B U Z Z E R !!!

I think in this instance the religious people had the most promise. More will begin attending church, and the women will be looking for UPS men - possibly some of the men also.











Monday, August 11, 2014



Laundry day is not what it used to be!

I used to like doing my laundry. I'd step into the little room right off my kitchen and toss in my clothes whenever I wanted. I could wash clothes at 6am or midnight - whatever suited me. Now I don't even have a washer or dryer in my apartment at my new home. I miss a lot of things from my old life, but I never thought I'd miss doing laundry this much.

Now I walk down a hall, carrying my dirty clothes and enter the laundry room, hoping no one else is there. There are two washers and dryers but sometimes they're all busy. When that happens, I have to lug my dirty clothes back to my room where I throw myself on the sofa and burst into tears! But in a little while I pull myself together, stop longing for the old days and trudge back to the laundry room. This time it's empty, so I wipe away all my tears and get to work. I get all the clothes in the washer, add the soap and then head back to my room. I check along the way to make sure I didn't drop any dirty panties on my way there. I would probably be kicked out if anyone found out. So now I have to wait in my room until the washing is done. Then I go back to the laundry room and put the clothes in a dryer. The washing machines are so deep I can hardly reach the little things like socks when I empty it. Do you suppose my arms are shrinking? So I drag all the wet clothes out and take them to one of the dryers. The dryers are huge, and when I get the clothes out after they're dry I almost climb inside to get the things stuck to the back! I'm afraid one day someone will come in to wash clothes and see a couple of skinny little legs sticking out of the dryer! That will be me, so please drag me out. So while the clothes are drying, I again wait in my room. I finally go back and bring my dry clothes back to my room. This whole process takes at least two hours of my valuable time. But then I also have to put all the clean clothes back in their proper places. I could have been doing something fun all that time like maybe having an affair, finishing "Fifty Shades of Grey" or almost anything other than laundry. 

This picture is of one of my socks stuck in the back of the dryer. I stand there a few minutes, hoping my telepathic skills will force it to move to the front of the dryer. Guess my skills are rusty as the sock never moves. So I finally give up and crawl in and drag it out. Doing laundry is not one of  my favorite household chores anymore.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


What's happening to our weather?

This year has been a strange one. It's barely summer and we have had hot weather for days on end. And yet other places in the country are having tornadoes killing people, flooding, thunder and lightning storms, crops dying because of no rain and occurrences that don't usually happen all at once as they have been this year. It all seems like a bad tv disaster movie. I don't even see any sunlight outside as I keep my blinds closed all the time since I face the sun. I don't see any birds here which I miss a lot, especially my little Larry I used to feed at my condo. I do like crows and I hear them here. One sounds really close so maybe he's watching me through the closed blinds! Maybe he's hoping I'll fall out my window and he can then fly down and peck at me to see if he's strong enough to carry me away.

This morning I decided to get on with things even though it was going to be the hottest day ever here. I went to my physical therapy class with Kate, the instructor. Kate is so healthy, slim, athletic, cute and knows how to make you work. I wonder if she thinks I'm a lost cause as I can't do even the simple things. Even though I'm a simple person, it doesn't help. Maybe I'm just too simple. I did see
some improvement in one of the exercises we did today, so maybe this is helping me. If it weren't for Kate, I'd probably be flat on my back watching "The Young and The Restless" during that time period. 

I became so bored last week, I was forced to watch a few episodes of "Snapped," the tv show depicting women who either murder their husbands or are murdered by them. One woman had postpartum depression and could barely get out of bed in the morning. When she could, she'd do a few chores and then get back in bed. The story of my life! However, she killed her husband. So even though the story has some similarities to my life, I don't have postpartum depression and didn't kill my husband.  I had no company that week, so I had to entertain myself which got a little old. My little monkey also had no company and had to play with himself. Dull days!

As you can see from this picture, my little monkey finally took things into his own hands and is once again his happy little self. I am also feeling pretty good, but I think the monkey is happier.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014


The Best Blog Ever!



The other day my friend, Diane, took me to lunch to celebrate my birthday. This was against my wishes because I've had too many birthdays already. But the thought of a free lunch did me in so I went along with it. She gave me a card that just cracked up! I laughed hysterically which I don't do every day. So the card above in this blog is the one she gave me.

It was a perfect card for me as that could be me sitting on the chair and reading what it says. That could me reading my life! I do all those things every day. I don't bark as much as I used to now that I am living among more civilized people. I do poop every day, but if I don't, I get panicky and do something about it. Once I went too far and that was not something one would write about! I tried to tell Teri about it, but she left the room while I was talking, but Cindy was with me through the entire incident. But the whole thing is me. I couldn't get over it and burst into laughter every time I read it.

So I hope the dog blog keeps it up.

Thursday, May 22, 2014



I made the big move!

I sold my condo and moved into a retirement home. I wrote about this already, but not since I've been here actually trying to get myself together! Things aren't like they were at my condo which I really loved but was becoming too much for me what with having to go out for the mail, garbage, car not in a garage but parked under trees that kept dropping pitch on it. All in all, it was time for something different. And this is different! The meals are served in a lovely dining room and are delicious. But you have a certain monthly allotment which you don't want to reach as then you'll be charged for any overage. How rude! So I eat most of my meals in my room but do get a sandwich now and then in the little cafe here. I go down for dinner when there's something special like chicken fried steak. I'm probably the only person who thinks that's special! One night I had lemon meringue pie and it was just out of this world good! The other night they had it again so I went down and got the pie and brought it back to my room. I had to cut the crust with a knife and fork! Is that cruel and unusual punishment or what? Maybe it was left over from the week before. 

The people here are all very friendly and speak to me even though I think I'm the only one who wears jeans all the time. I really miss not being able to step out of my door into the fresh air and see what's going on outside. My windows face west so my blinds have to be partially closed all the time. I suppose in time I'll become used to everything here, but I still haven't found my way around the entire place.

One thing I really like here is that I'm doing physical therapy twice a week with two other women. I also work on machines to increase my arm strength - I do that every day by myself. The PT teacher is Kate who is a cute, slim young woman and obviously knows what she's doing. She's working on balance of which I'm completely devoid. She knows I have Ataxia and these exercises are very good for me. I know I'll never be all right, but if I can just keep moving and maybe put off what is eventually going to happen with me, it's worth it. I wouldn't be doing any of this if it weren't for Kate. She's so easy to talk to and knows what we all need. She has classes for many of the people and no one is physically fit. We wouldn't be here if we were physically fit. So, Kate, please don't run off with someone or find a job where the people are already in good shape. That wouldn't be nearly as much fun for you and certainly not for me.

What I miss the most here is Larry, the little sparrow I fed on my deck for almost 6 years. He was there a lot of the time, sometimes just sitting on the ledge - sort of hanging out with me as I was sitting on the couch inside watching him and he would be watching me. I left abruptly and no one is feeding him. It makes me cry to look at this picture, but I'm sure he'll get along fine. After all, he's a wild animal and must know how to forage. I just had to put one last picture of Larry on my blog. I've put many others through the years but I guess this is the end.  

Thursday, May 08, 2014




Three Mothers!

This picture was taken several years ago, but I like it. I have enjoyed my girls so much. I don't know if I was a good mother or not - sometimes I think I was on the right track, but at other times I remember things I did that were not that good. You wonder if you leave a mark on your kids that may determine what sort of adults. they will become. I just hope I left enough good marks to outnumber the times that I screwed up. 

I am so proud of Teri and Cindy. I couldn't ask for better kids. The three of us have been through a lot together - illnesses, divorces and fun things like that. But we've come out on top and managed to hold it all together. I have three grandsons of whom I am very proud. I don't get to see my family very often as none lives in my city. I wonder if that should tell me something? Oh, well, I won't worry about that. 

I wonder where I got those big glasses?

So have a wonderful Mother's Day girls, and just know that your mom loves you both a whole lot!

Saturday, April 12, 2014


   







Leaning in or out . . . What a Dilemma

I'm sure we've all heard the opposing ideas regarding choices made by young women these days. There are those who believe women should "lean in" such as Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook executive. She thinks young women should work on their careers right from the beginning, aiming for the top. And there are those like Susan Patton who is known as the Princeton Mom after she wrote an open letter to Princeton women, suggesting they snag a good husband as fast as they can so as not to end up with an undesirable. That is what I would call "lean out" advice.

In their own way, their ideas are somewhat similar. Both believe women don't have time to fool around with trips around the world to see how other people live or just climb mountains and visit numerous rain forests. Men can spend 10 years doing just that and then settle down to a career. They can start a career and at 50 can be well established in something, even get a divorce, remarry and have more kids. Can women do that? I don't think so.

Women have to push and rush to get to the point where they may be able to lean out when needed. Some can even have day-care on site or flexible work schedules. But these are only the top executives, and these women have had to work like hell to reach that point. There are the regular workers and midlevel women who never reach that high. But women have to move quickly as their biological clocks keep ticking away. Men don't have that problem which is evident with all the male Ceos there are; however, there are more women reaching that point. I hope that keeps up and women with families get more breaks.

The above picture illustrates the "lean in" and "lean out" version of two young women who happen to be my daughters. Teri is definitely leaning in with her pretty outfit and Barbie lunch box. She's on her way to the top. Cindy is definitely leaning out and doesn't seem to give a shit about anything.