Where have all the bees gone?

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about honeybees and watching documentaries on television about their disappearance, and it’s really pretty frightening. I’ve never liked yellow jackets and wasps, but I know that honeybees and bumblebees are necessary for pollination of our crops. But after reading an article in the “Oregonian” newspaper, it sounds like the Franklin bumblebee has become extinct without anyone realizing it. I know that this spring and summer I didn’t see one bumblebee which I found quite unusual at the time. Now I learn that they are gone . . . as in forever gone. Bumblebees are responsible for pollinating an estimated 15 percent of all the crops grown in the United States, particularly those raised in greenhouses. Why didn’t we notice this earlier and where did they go?

Now after watching two television programs on the honeybee, I learn that they are also on the way out. This year they have been infected with what is being called Colony Collapse Disorder which sounds like something you’d tell your psychiatrist about if you were feeling down. But it’s about bees. They’re leaving their hives overnight and completely disappearing. No one can find any trace of them once they are gone. In autopsies they find signs of insecticides, mites, and all sorts of things, but nothing that could be causing their complete sudden disappearance. Bees can travel three miles from their hives and find their way back to their own hives, but whatever the disease is could be causing a loss of sense of direction which would make them lost and unable to return. Another thought was that if the bees are contaminated, they are contaminating their hives and moving out or dying from it. Three quarters of all plants in the world require pollination, and this is happening all over the world. One third of all the food we eat depends on the honeybee, and they say the future of our food supply rests on the tiny honeybee.

In one of the programs on television, it described the bee situation in a province in China. All the honeybees have “flown the coop” and they are now hand-pollinating their pear trees. It showed them mixing up some male pollen from the blooms – I don’t know how they know which bloom is male, but they do – and then brushing a feather duster-type stick with feathers or something similar on the end around in the pollen. Then they go to each bloom in the pear tree and brush the gathered pollen into the bloom. It showed pear trees with many, many blooms and all having to be hand-pollinated. It’s hard to believe that could be done, but apparently it is in China. The pears looked beautiful.

It makes me wonder if we’ll be forced to do the same thing pretty soon. I hand-pollinated Audrey III, my tomato plant I grew in my computer room this summer, and it worked out quite well. I’ve had many tomatoes, most of which looked like mutants, but at least they grew and I ate them. I wonder if I should consider hiring out as a pollinator to different farmers next year. I can’t imagine many people volunteering for that kind of work, but
I’ve had experience. Maybe we could round up some illegals and I could be their mentor or foreman . . . whatever you want to call it. I would expect to be paid, of course. My dad used to have bee hives brought in each year to our farm, and I don’t think I realized at the time why he was doing something like that. I know now it was so we would have some food later on down the line. I don’t have references as I’m the only person for whom I’ve worked, but the picture above is of two of my tomatoes. I think it’s pretty cool!

Beagles, beagles, beagles . . . and maybe people

I recently read in the newspaper that the Linus Pauling Institute at Oregon State University has found that certain antioxidant supplements increased the ability of older beagles to learn a new task. In other words, maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. The beagles were taught how to find a food treat by identifying certain colored objects where the treat would be. A yellow peg was used as a marker, and for one of the tasks, four of six beagles receiving the supplement learned very quickly to identify the correct marker and find their treat. Only two of six beagles not receiving the supplements succeeded. It didn’t say what happened to the four that missed. Do you suppose they ever got any treats at all? Just for going through the test should have been enough to give them a bone or a doggie biscuit. They went through 15 weeks of training and the outcome was this: 80 percent of supplemental dogs were successful and only 50 percent of the others could learn how to do it. It goes on to say that clinical experiments with humans using the supplements are under way. How do they test humans? Do they put some chocolate behind a red peg someplace and then let everyone loose? Will it take 15 weeks to learn something new, and if you’re really old, after 15 weeks you’ll be that much older and probably have forgotten what you were doing in the first place? Do you suppose I could get in on that study and learn how to work all the buttons on my Volvo so that I wouldn’t be throwing my seat back when all I wanted was to open a window – my window, not the one in the back seat and not the one on the passenger side – just MY window? Maybe I should look into those supplements. Do you suppose they are doing a similar study in Sweden on humans where I could learn how to fix my Volvo myself? Some of the things are fixable but very costly. Maybe I could learn how to be a Volvo mechanic! What an exciting thought. But that would require a new passport, and I hate passport photos. I’ll have to think about it.

I had a beagle years ago that ate 13 chickens belonging to a neighbor a couple of blocks away. He had never been in any study at OSU or anyplace else, but do you suppose there was a colored marker at the house where the chickens lived and he went to it every time? How would he know if he hadn’t been in the study? Or do you think it’s just that beagles are hunters? What a mystery. I’d like to know how the experiments are coming with humans which are supposedly under way right now. Where do they get these people anyway? And why wasn’t I notified?

No more skipping for Patsy . . .

In this picture, I’m looking very worried. It was taken years ago when my dad and brother were trying to fix something . . . who knows what since I can’t remember that far back . . . and I was apparently worried about it. So there I was – all slumped over, slouched down and looking so down and out. But now I’m worried about something else.

The other night I had a dream – not an MLK dream, just a stupid dream like I have all the time. I was in a department store with my daughters, Teri and Cindy. Maybe we were coming from an I Eta Pi sorority meeting . . . I don’t know how we got there. Anyway, I looked at Cindy and saw a huge, black mustache on her upper lip. I was surprised, but nothing she does ever surprises me too much, so I let it pass. Then I noticed Teri up ahead, and she was skipping through the store! Skipping!! I told her about it the next day, and we both laughed at what a crazy dream it was. But then I thought I’d see if I could skip anymore. I’ve had funny things happening with my legs the past few years, so figured I’d check into the skipping. Well, I couldn’t skip and I couldn’t jump. So that’s when I got the worried look.

I had my yearly physical a few days later with my new doctor – lady doctor – doctress? What do you call a female doctor? I guess I’ll call her my doctress. I like her. So she did many tests on my legs, and then I told her about the skipping and jumping. Her eyes gleamed as if a light had gone on! She asked me to hop on each leg which was a complete washout. I failed the test. So she took a lot of blood and will get back to me on my condition. I don’t know what I’m hoping, but I’d like some answers after 4 or 5 years of discomfort. Maybe it will be restless legs or possibly jimmy legs like Kramer’s girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, had on “Seinfeld.” Who knows?

I’m not looking worried anymore as it was too hard to maintain the look. But just in case, I thought I’d better call the Scooter Store. Now I’m waiting for the very nice man from the Scooter Store to come and show me what he has . . . maybe he’ll even bring a scooter. Oh, oh . . . there’s the doorbell . . . gotta go!

“Time” magazine and “Desperate Housewives”

Last night I read my latest “Time” magazine and then watched “Desperate Housewives” which was a pretty good combination for the evening. I read about the Supreme Court Justices and an article on Clarence Thomas. Thomas is not my favorite Justice. He’s actually my least favorite for a lot of reasons. I don’t agree with his rulings or the way he got his appointment. But what I’m interested in is the title of the memoir he just published. Now we all know now that “memoirs” are no longer considered factual thanks to the James Frey debacle of 2003 when his memoir turned out to be partly fictional. So what about Clarence’s memoir? Will he gloss over the Anita Hill incident or not mention it at all? And what about the title . . . “My Grandfather’s Son.” What is that about? Is he writing about his father, and if so, why doesn’t he say so? I don’t plan to read it so guess I’ll never know.

But there was another article in “Time” that caught my attention. It was all about chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and all the fantastic benefits of eating dark chocolate. I agree and plan to go to the store as soon as possible. After that I watched “Desperate Housewives” which sort of tied in with the chocolate theme. Lynette (Felilcity Huffman) is suffering with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy which makes her nauseous. She can’t eat and feels like shit all the time. Her mother (Polly Bergen) is visiting and decides to take matters into her own hands as she can’t stand seeing her daughter in that condition. So she goes to a neighbor boy who has connections, and she scores some marijuana which she bakes into some brownies. Lynette eats one . . . and then more . . . and more. She ends up feeling great, bouncing around the house and even going to Susan’s (Teri Hatcher) charade party where she’s a big hit. She eventually finds out what caused her wild behavior and forbids her mother to do anything like that again. It made me wonder about if I’m ever in that position, to whom would I go for good brownies? I don’t think I’d want to play charades, but if that’s what it took to feel better, I’d be up for it. Would my daughters help me? Daughters should help their mothers do anything . . . do you suppose the godfather and president of I Eta Pi have any connections, or do they know anyone with any? It’s a moot point right now, but when the time comes, I expect my sorority sisters to gather around me. Hopefully, the aforementioned will never be necessary. It’s just a thought.

Godfather Teri - - I Eta Pi

This is a picture of Teri who is godfather of our sorority – I Eta Pi. I love the picture – she’s smiling as if she has a secret, and she probably does about her plans for the sorority. Or could it be she’s turning into Glenn Close on “Damages?” She’s looking like Glenn does on the show. Wow! Should we be scared of the godfather? Anyway, she’s moving to New York next week and has been shipping her pets back already. Angie and Lizzie, two of the cats, went back with Mark and Harry over the weekend. Teri and Steven, her colleague at work are taking Willie, the dog, and Slim, another cat, to the airport Thursday. And Teri will take Fuzzy, another cat, with her when she moves. Come to think of it, Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) has a dog on “Damages” that she loved, sort of like Teri with her animals. Now I am getting a creepy feeling!

I watched “Damages” last night and this morning I watched it again, even giving up the first hour of the “Today” show – I never watch more than the first hour. They were going to re-hash the republican debate from last night and also talk about potty training babies as soon as they are born! Now why in the hell would I want to watch that? I didn’t watch the debate last night as I can’t stand any of the republicans, and I don’t think my daughters need potty training anymore. So I settled in with “Damages.” I must say that show has kept me on the edge of my seat since the first episode. My only complaint is there are too many commercials and they last too long. Also, I wish it could be presented maybe every night? Or if not, possibly every other night? A week is too long to wait between episodes. Last night it jumped back and forth between the past and present which are becoming one and the same. There were a lot of surprises – I never know what’s going to happen. The last scene was a shocker – I’ve never seen that done quite that way. I hate to see it end, and hope it’s back next year. Please make it happen!

I read an article in the paper a while back that said fewer people are washing hands in restrooms. It stated: “In a study sponsored by the American Society for Microbiology and the Soap and Detergent Association, 77 percent of adults washed their hands in public restrooms – a 6 percent decline from a similar study in 2005.” The part of the article that really got me was when they said that Harris Interactive (what is that?) watched 6,076 adults in public restrooms and RECORDED whether they washed their hands! How can this be happening? It mentions the cities, and fortunately mine wasn’t on it. All the results were released the week during National Clean Hands Week. Was there another holiday I missed or did we get mail during that time? Were there parades?

I also saw in the paper where Larry Craig was picked by the nonprofit Idaho Hall of Fame Association to be inducted into that group. They said, “Larry Craig has made a great contribution to Idaho over the period of 20-some years. At the time it was considered, this other matter had not come up.” What other matter? I hope they clear it up so the general public will know what’s happening.

I’ve written about the Volvo Teri gave me and the trouble I had with the “check engine” light coming on and freaking me out. Well, I’ve been seeing a certain commercial on TV with Kelly Ripa driving a big, beautiful car with someone that talks to her in the car – is that On Star or something? Anyway, she’s driving along, and all of a sudden she screams, “My check engine light is on!" And I yell, “YES!” back at the TV. I feel vindicated now that people know it’s happening to others. I am not alone out there with a red check engine light glowing. She gets hers fixed by magic or whatever her big beautiful car does, but at least I know for a few minutes she had the same problem as I.

President Cindy - - I Eta Pi

The above picture was taken when Cindy was a senior in high school. Cindy loves this picture and understandably so, but it was quite some time ago. However, she would have put a hex on me if I’d used any other picture, and I think it’s a pretty good one to depict her as the I Eta Pi president. Cindy is doing recruiting in the Tacoma area, and will sometime be having initiation. I don’t know what she’s planning – I don’t think the godfather or I will be in attendance, but we’ll hear all about it. She ordered the DVD of the Betty Broderick TV show – it wasn’t that expensive, but it cost about $100 to ship it overnight delivery. And Cindy said a friend, who owns a clothing store in Tacoma, is going to get T-shirts for us. So everything’s moving along quite smoothly. I hope to have a photo of the godfather up pretty soon.

Friday I spent on my Volvo, going to DEQ and DMV, two places no one wants to be. I passed DEQ and was thrilled, and then went to the DMV. That is a place I never want to be again in my lifetime. I picked number 114 and they were on 81 when I sat down. There were quite a few cubicles for people to be working, but there seemed to be only one woman in one cubicle. I waited about one hour and 45 minutes before my number was called. There was a woman, with whom I visited a little, and she was fun, but the man sitting directly across from me had only one huge tooth in his upper gum! I tried not to look at him and I guess he tried not to look at me. I think a root canal would be better than the DMV, but I’ve never had a root canal, so I probably shouldn’t say that. I got all hot and sweaty waiting for my turn and kept hoping no one would suddenly “go postal.” I could see that happening very easily. When I finally got out of there, some guy stopped me at the door and wanted to talk to me about ballot measures. I told him I wouldn’t sign anything and he took offense at that, so I rushed out to the car and left him sputtering. Isn’t there a law against doing that? Driving home the “check engine” light came on again! I had just paid a bundle of money to have everything fixed, so I was totally freaked when it came on again. I drove directly to my mechanic and he did something and made it go away. But he said it might come back! Everyone I talk to says those lights always go on and people drive with them on for years. Why do they come on? It really bugs me.

Late Friday night, Cindy called to tell me she was watching the Betty Broderick movie. I think she had already watched it, but once is never enough – even the same day. So she held the phone up to the TV so I could hear Betty screaming at Dan, her husband. It was kind of muffled so we didn’t continue with that for too long. Cindy said she’d call me the next day and tell me how it ended. So I said, “I KNOW HOW IT ENDS!” I talked to her yesterday while she was shopping for supplies to eat while she and a friend were watching it again.

This morning I went to breakfast with Doyle and Diane and their son, Dan. What a coincidence . . . he has the same name as Betty Broderick’s old husband. Dan is a good guy about the same age as my daughters. He probably secretly would like to be a member of the sorority, but I’ll just have to make it clear it’s only for women. I get a kick out of Dan and don’t want to hurt his feelings. I’m sure he’ll understand. I’ll be doing more updates on the sorority periodically.

Celebration at the compound!

My two daughters, Teri and Cindy, were with me last weekend and we had a wonderful time. That rarely happens . . . I don’t mean it’s rare that we have wonderful times . . . it’s just that they both live in other states so we’re not together very often. Saturday afternoon the girls went shopping while I got ready for Doyle and Diane to visit and meet the girls. When everyone was here, Cindy modeled the clothes she had purchased at a vintage store. One was a black outfit with pants and panels of thin material hanging to the floor that swished around as she twirled. It was quite a show! And Teri announced that she went to the “Cancer Pants” store and bought a sweater. I asked what that meant and they explained that when I was in the hospital getting rid of my breast cancer – the lump – they both went shopping together which is what we do in times of stress. It was then that Teri bought some pants she really liked, and she called the store the Cancer Pants store. Makes sense to me.

So we all had hors d’oeuvres and wine and had a great time. Later on, Doyle and Diane went home but we kept on partying. During that time, we started talking about Betty Broderick and her two miniseries on TV that we all watch over and over again. I’ve written about Betty before. She was married to a prominent attorney, Dan Broderick, in San Diego who divorced her and married his assistant, Linda. Betty was a real bitch and did horrible things to Dan and his new wife. She drove her car into his house, broke in and trashed everything, put filthy messages on his answering machine that her kids heard, burned his clothes and on and on. Meredith Baxter played Betty Broderick and was fantastic in the part. She was nominated for an Emmy for her portrayal of Betty in the TV movie in 1992. Betty finally sneaked into Dan and Linda’s house one night and shot and killed them. She was such a bitch and did such horrible things that it was almost scary to watch the show, but at the same time extremely entertaining. One time Betty went to Dan’s office for some celebration and he wasn’t there. When he got home that night she confronted him and said, “You bastard! Who goes to lunch for seven hours and with a 19 year old whore to boot?” Dan had taken his assistant to lunch. She left messages on his answering machine at his new home that her little boy heard. Some of which were: “Are you with the whore now, Dan? Are you makin’ it with that dog meat on the stairs now, Dan?” She was not a nice woman, but we loved her!

After another glass of wine, we decided we had to do something to keep the Betty Broderick cult going. So we decided to start a sorority. None of us was crazy about sororities – in fact, we don’t like them. But this would be an exception. We decided to name our sorority I Eta Pi. Cindy’s the president, Teri’s the godfather and I’m the housemother. Cindy thought initiation for new members should be having them watch the 4-hour miniseries straight through without taking a bathroom break. I think she may have thought better of that by now. She left my house Sunday and had her first sorority meeting that night in her home in Tacoma. Two other women were there and they watched “Old School” as part of initiation. At first Cindy said all members had to be divorced, but not everyone can be that fortunate, so she may have to relax the rules a little. After all, the godfather is married. This is all in the early stages, so I’ll be having more updates as things progress. If only we could get Meredith Baxter to come to a meeting sometime. We must work on that.