Reading is good for you

I love to read. My daughters, Teri and Cindy, love to read. I used to read to them when they were tiny, and then they grew up and could read for themselves. I miss those times a lot, and when I think of them, it makes me sad. I wonder what’s the matter with me getting sad over things like that, but where my girls are concerned I can get sad over just looking at a baby picture. Is there something wrong with me . . . other than the obvious? In the picture, Cindy is reading the National Geographic. She's probably looking at all the naked pictures in it. I love that magazine.

I read a newspaper every day and many magazines, but the news is so horrific what with the horrible devastation in Haiti, our military men being killed every day in Afghanistan and Iraq and Scott Brown pimping his daughters out on national TV. So I search the papers for something a little amusing and this week I found several which I will list.

A teenager was flying to Kentucky to visit his grandmother, and while on the plane he began strapping black cubes and wires to his body! A flight attendant became alarmed – actually, it probably scared the crap out of her – and she alerted the captain who diverted the plane to a close airport. Turns out the black boxes are called tefillin which hold prayers and are used in the morning prayer ritual of Orthodox Jewish men. I’m wondering why he couldn’t have done that before he boarded the plane. Don’t Orthodox Jews know about the new restrictions in airports and on planes? Or are they like Amish people who don’t use modern transportation but make great heaters. I don’t go to church so don’t have to strap anything to my body, but I would like to get a hold of some spanx.

My second news item was that Sarah Palin and John McCain are going to campaign together! I thought I was reading an old newspaper, but it’s true. He is seeking re-election to the U.S. Senate and probably thinks having the sexy librarian lady at his side again will help. People love looking at her even though she makes no sense when she speaks. But she winks a lot and says comin’ and goin’ and talkin’ and blah, blah, blah. So John feels like people would rather look at her than at him which is probably true. I saw recently she had curled her hair like a teenager back in the ‘50s. I think she’s thinkin’ and plannin’ all the time.

My third item is of a disgruntled former firefighter who left a package outside City Hall in a Washington town. They didn’t know what to do so called the Portland bomb squad. They couldn’t figure it out until they exploded it and found that it contained poop! They caught the firefighter who had been fired from his job for insubordination. Can you imagine the mess and smell when that thing exploded?

My last item is of a Wisconsin woman who was arrested for shoplifting. When they went to her home to get her, she started screaming at three children and then stripped to her underwear and told the officers she couldn’t be arrested since she’d be naked! Guess she was arrested anyway and will spend 6 months in jail. Getting naked must not be a very good way to avoid prosecution.

I’m hoping to find some more fun news interspersed with all the tragic happenings we hear about continually.