SPAM!!

Quite a while ago, Harry and his parents came from New York to visit me here at the compound. They had been to see “Spamalot” on Broadway and brought me a can of Spam which was publicizing the show. I promised Harry I would never eat it as it was a souvenir, something to look at and admire. So I put it on top of the microwave where I saw it every day, all the time. I wanted to eat it SO badly, but never gave in.

I’ve written about my love of Spam several times. When Teri and Cindy were little, we didn’t have much money. Most of our friends were in the same boat, and we all found cheaper ways to feed the family – all of which were good in my estimation. We ate those little tiny Vienna sausages that came in a little tiny can – I loved them. Also we ate spaghettiOs which were good. But the best meal I could make was baked Spam! We all loved it – even my husband thought it was great. I had a recipe for it consisting of brown sugar, vinegar, prepared mustard and water. I would mix that up and smear it all over the Spam and bake it. It was to die for! Sometimes we ate it cold or I fried it – no matter what I did to it, it was always delicious. But as the years went by, there was started all this talk about fat and cholesterol in your blood, and that was a real drag. So all those good things we’d been eating fell by the wayside. But I never lost my love for Spam, and I could probably eat it every day. I even introduced it to Harry, my grandson. He loved it also, but the only time we eat it is when he’s here or I’m visiting them. I never even buy it anymore which is extremely sad.

But to get back to the can on my microwave from “Spamalot,” last weekend I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had opened a can of baked beans which I’d been eating for three days and was getting sick of it. Every time I walked by the Spam, I could feel myself starting to drool. I looked at the Spam and finally broke down. I grabbed the can, ripped off the top and began eating! I made myself a Spam sandwich which was the best. I also cut up pieces in the remainder of the baked beans which made them much better. The next day I ate Spam for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There was a tiny bit left which I sadly pushed into the disposal as I thought I might die of cholesterol poisoning and hardening of the arteries. You know, Spam isn’t good for you at all – it’s bad – really bad. I wonder how all those Hawaiian people manage with eating so much of it. But they’ve been doing it for so long that they’re probably immune to it by now.

I think, for now, I’ve satisfied my craving for Spam and can hold out for a while. I talked to Harry the other day and confessed I had eaten the Spam, but that it was under dire circumstances. He understood and just asked me how it tasted.