Drunken Sailor

That's what I call myself now. You see I have what is called "Ataxia," - no, it's not an STD or anything like that. I wouldn't be announcing that if it were. Look it up on Google which knows everything. It is a gait ataxia characterized by a drunken sailor walk. I haven't seen many of those. In fact, the last I remember even seeing a sailor was when I went with a girlfriend when the fleet was in for the Rose Festival. We took a special guided tour through a boat - or is it a ship - I never can get that straight. The officer was cute and didn't look drunk and that was all there was to that. I don't remember if he asked us out for a drink or not, but I imagine there were rules against that. Not my rules - his.

So when I started walking funny I saw a neurologist who told me what I had. He told me to use a cane and use my exercise bike which Teri and Mark had bought me. It's a beautiful, expensive bike which I could never have purchased myself since I have no money! Apparently there are no magic pills for what I have, so he smiled and said he'd see me next year! So this summer I'll go back for more advice.

Last week I was trying to clean out some stuff and also vacuum and wash the bathroom floors - you know what average house wives do. I'm not a housewife and don't consider myself average, but I was doing it anyway. I knew my daughters would be pissed if they knew, but I did it anyway. When I was done, my legs were goofy and I went out to the living room to lie down on my sofa (bed). But I was using the cane and it got tangled up with my leg and the coffee table, and BAM! I was down. I rolled over on my back and lay there for a while looking at the ceiling to see if there were cobwebs up there to take down. I finally crawled up on the sofa (bed) and rested. I won't be doing those things anymore and will get someone to come in and do them for me which I hate to do. But it will make my daughters happy and they won't kill me!

I found a book entitled "Depression Can Be Fun!" and decided to answer the questionnaire inside to see if I'm depressed about my condition.

1.   Do you like thunderstorms?

      No

2.   Do you like sex?

      You bet!

3.   Should Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin be married?

      No, they'd kill each other

4.    Do you watch tv in the nude?

       No, it's too cold

5.   Do you watch anything in the nude?

      Just my neighbors across the street

6.    Are your neighbors having sex when you watch?

       No, damn it!

I think I answered enough to prove I'm not depressed, so I threw the book in my bag for pick up by some group that does pick up for needy people. I hope someone gets some help from the book.