Crazy Happenings

This picture is of Teri and Cindy taken years ago with Bonnie and Clyde, our duck and goose. I don’t have a picture of a chicken or I’d use it. I think I have one of me holding a chicken when I was a little girl, but it’s blurry and it may have been a rabbit . . . or a bull frog . . . or possibly a pheasant. So a duck and a goose was the next best thing. This is all because of an article recently in the paper of a woman who has a pet chicken who eats bugs and gives her one egg a day. It’s a Rhode Island Red, and there’s a picture of her drinking red wine out of the woman’s glass! She apparently loves wine now that she knows what it is. This is in a suburb that has a law that doesn’t allow chickens in the city limits unless they are 100 feet from the residence. So that cuts out any chickens in town. All cities have their own rules; some allow three chickens but no roosters, another town allows them just as household pets, and one allows 50 chickens and roosters as long as they don’t violate the noise restrictions! So the woman with the pet chicken, Baby Girl, will fight for new regulations so she can keep her chicken. I wonder if Baby Girl likes Chardonnay. Red wine gives me a headache – I hope Baby Girl doesn’t get headaches. Can chickens have headaches?

On the news the other night, the anchor told about a woman who was flying from Reno to Portland on Southwest Airlines. They made her buy two tickets as she weighed about 350 pounds and that was too much for one seat on that airline. What I found strange about the whole matter was the fact that her husband was interviewed and he didn’t seem upset at all. He just said his wife was upset and hyperventilating, but he didn’t seem the least bit distressed. In fact, he took a picture of her in the seat and it was shown on that news program. Not very flattering! Why did he let himself be interviewed about the incident? Wouldn’t a person normally not want to publicize something like that? Especially about his own wife? If I were his wife, I’d lose weight and then dump him! I think I’d dump him and then lose weight . . . that would be quicker.

Yesterday on my morning walk, I noticed a photo-sized, color picture on the sidewalk. It was of a stark naked, well-built man sitting down with his well-built penis lying against his leg! I was quite surprised and felt like shouting, “Come look at the guy with the big dick!” but I didn’t because I didn’t see anyone else around. I wanted to lean over and get a better look – possibly even pick it up for a really good look – but something held me back. I was afraid Chris Hansen of “To Catch a Predator,” the popular NBC series, might be hiding behind a bush and filming me. If he had, he might arrest me for distributing pornography and I would disgrace my two innocent daughters who would never suspect their mother of anything like that. So I just kept on walking. This morning I took the same route, but the picture was gone. Where did it come from and why was it there . . . and where did it go? Another mystery of life.