“Crazy Things”

When I awoke Friday morning, I was happy that my electricity had stayed on during the storm in the night and was feeling quite good about everything. Then I looked in my laundry room and noticed water all over the floor coming from my water heater. I was pissed, to say the least, but I called Stan, the water heater man, who said he would be over pretty soon. I started looking through a junk drawer where I keep some receipts and papers to try and find the receipt from when I last replaced the water heater. Surprisingly, I found it and also found a little envelope with “Crazy Things” written on it in my handwriting. I have always put funny, goofy articles and jokes on my fridge, and then after a while I replace them with new ones. These were old ones I’d saved, but the best thing was, I thought I had found the long-lost ugly brides that I wrote about earlier!
But it was not to be. These were brides and grooms, and they weren’t bad looking, but some weren’t all that good looking either. They just had unusual ceremonies such as:

One couple was married on a beach at the Oregon coast with their dog as ring bearer; another married at a ranch where the groomsmen created an archway of fishing poles;
a border collie was the flower girl for another couple; one couple had the bridegroom’s dog “sing” at the ceremony; one couple cut their wedding cake with a chain saw; one bride played congas with the band at the reception until the police stopped it at midnight;
and another couple married in the jungles of Peru, with the bride’s mother parachuting in.

There were some funny newspaper ads such as:

For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: Modular sofa for only $299. For rest or fore play.
For sale: quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse,
refrigerator, spring coat, size 8, and fur collar.

There were newspaper articles that struck me funny:

One told about Peter Lawford becoming very ill after his stay at Betty Ford. When he came home he continued drinking, and, “He vacuumed constantly between snorting lines of cocaine in the bathroom.” I can understand the drinking and cocaine, but what’s the deal with vacuuming? I HATE to vacuum, but then I’ve never tried it Peter’s way.

Newspaper headline: Boring elk hunter found dead after pickup dives 200 feet.

Article: A bank clerk in Buenos Aires sneezed and banged her head on her computer
keyboard instantly sending more than $1 million into an untraceable foreign
account.

My favorite is an article about a prom, and the headline is a quote from one of the girls attending:

“Getting him to come, that was an accomplishment in itself. I wanted to see what
it was like. It’s an experience. It’s your prom.”

There’s nothing I can say to add to that.