Ghetto Gourmet

Yes, there is something called Ghetto Gourmet. I read about it in a recent “Time” magazine, so it has to be true. Joel Stein wrote the article, and I love his writing. His articles are usually humorous and actually make me laugh out loud at times, so I believe anything he says. Evidently people are becoming disenchanted with the old stand-by restaurants that can be extremely stuffy and downright boring. Jeremy Townsend was the original Ghetto Gourmet and he and his brother started one in their house. It lasted a couple of years, but after a visit from a health inspector, he took his idea on the road and tried out different chefs in different cities. Joel visited one in Los Angeles in the courtyard of a Koreatown apartment building. He had to bring his own wine and a pillow to sit on. And there was a guy playing jazz on the accordion during the meal. Joel didn’t sound like he was going to pursue that type of establishment again.

Jeremy Townsend says the old-fashion restaurants are not adventurous enough. He asks, “What if you could actually cuss and high-five people and lick the plate?” Now that struck a chord with me. I do that at my table . . . not the high-five because I live alone, but the other two. Why can’t we do that in any restaurant? It got me thinking . . . Portland, OR, was mentioned in this article about being interested in underground restaurants such as Ghetto Gourmet. Why couldn’t I open my own right here? I’d have to have a good menu, but I know what my first offering would be – fried spam, fried potatoes and deep fried mozzarella cheese. That might just be all that I’d ever serve. I would have a few chairs so people wouldn’t have to bring their pillows, but they would have to bring their own wine. People could call me for reservations and give me their credit card numbers and social security numbers. One can’t be too careful. I’d have music during dinner, but not accordion music. Accordion music is too trailer trash. I’d play Andy Williams Christmas songs every night, not just at Christmas. And when we were done eating, we’d all lick our plates. People could cuss if they wanted but I don’t think I’d allow any high-fiving . . . that’s just too common.