Jehovah’s Witnesses pay me a visit!

Last Saturday as I was getting dressed, my doorbell rang. When I opened the door, there was an extremely pleasant looking woman waving a pamphlet in front of me. I told her I had already voted, and she said that was not what the pamphlet was about. So I took it just to get rid of her and shut the door. But as I did that, I noticed a man in an ill-fitting black suit behind her. So I opened the door again and yelled, “Who are you anyway?” to which she replied they were Jehovah’s Witnesses.

I sat down and began reading. The cover of the pamphlet says, “THE END OF FALSE RELIGION IS NEAR!” On the next page it goes on to say that although religion seems to be at the root of so many problems, it is only false religions that produce bad works. Apparently Jesus indicated that false religion produces bad works just as a “rotten tree produces worthless fruit.” I found that very interesting. My dad was an orchardist and he didn’t need Jesus to tell him anything about rotten trees and worthless fruit. He made a living knowing all about it.

Another point they bring up is that in western lands, church groups are very lax in imposing strict moral practices. They say the Bible states: “Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men . . . will inherit God’s kingdom.” So who will inherit God’s kingdom? Probably only a handful of people, and I’m guessing they’ll be pretty uninteresting with no senses of humor whatsoever. And where is this kingdom anyway? I don’t think they mentioned that in the pamphlet.

Cindy was visited by the Witnesses several years ago, and since she didn’t want to be rude, they stayed for 2 days before she finally scared them away by doing Christmas decorations. Now she hides when they come.

I won’t let them in for these reasons:

1. It would take away from my viewing time with “Seinfeld” and “Law & Order” reruns if I had to listen to their chatter.

2. I don’t let people into my home who look extremely pleasant and who are wearing ill-fitting black suits. . . or who want to talk about religion.

3. I’M NOT INTERESTED!!

I checked in with Tiffany and Amber for their opinions of all of the above:

Tiffany: Amber, what do you know about Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Amber: Is that like the witness protection program?
Tiffany: I think so.
Amber: Could I go?
Tiffany: Possibly.
Amber: Could I smoke there?
Tiffany: YOU SMOKE?
Amber: Don’t tell my mom. . . please, please . . .

I was getting no place with Tiffany and Amber so just let it drop. I’m hoping the Witnesses don’t make a habit of proselytizing in my neighborhood or I may be forced to put out Halloween and Christmas decorations for the entire year.