The Secret of Google

On 8/3/11, "The Oregonian" newspaper wrote, "Google doesn't dumb you down, it just reprograms your brain's search." Actually, I think it does dumb you down as it enables you to go to your computer and find out anything you want to know, right at your fingertips. It doesn't make it necessary for you to search every dictionary, encyclopedia, newspaper, etc. for your answer. When I used to try and figure something out, I would say, "What would Jerry (Seinfeld) do - probably something funny" or, "What would Craig (Ferguson) do - hopefully something off color," but now I don't need to do that anymore. I can just run into my computer room and find out whatever I want.

But where does Google get all its information? I just can't figure that out. I know that they know where everyone lives and even have pictures of our houses. There is no such thing as privacy anymore, and they probably know what we're going to do before we actually do it. That's sort of creepy, but I still use Google . . . a lot. It blows my mind that I can type the first word of a phrase and the entire phrase will pop up before I'm even through typing. I have requested much information, some of which I wouldn't want others to know. I'm sure they must have a file on me, and I can just see what happens when I hit Google. I see all the little people in the big Google warehouse - they have many warehouses but I just see one - and I can see one of the guys scream at the others. Oh, I almost forgot - they all look like Jesse Eisenberg who was so good in "The Social Network." He was so geeky and quirky, and that's what all the guys in the warehouse look like - Jesse. So Jesse screams at them, "Here's that crazy woman who requests all the info on strange diseases!" I did have them look up Prune Belly Syndrome once to see if I had any of the symptoms. That was during a particularly bad time for me. Jesse goes on to say, "She also wanted to know about abnormal sexual practices of the Mayan culture." For his information, that was during a period when I wasn't getting any, and that's nothing for them to laugh about. Jesse and the guys all go on to laugh over my latest request which was quite normal if I remember right. And then Jesse makes fun of the fact that I ask the same things over and over again. That's none of his damn business. He should be glad I'm doing that - that's job security for him.

A team from Columbia University studied Google and its effect on people. They decided that we have a mental dependency on instant access to information, and the loss of our Internet connection would be like losing a friend. I can agree with that. But will Jesse and his fellow nerds please quit laughing at me?