Ugly Brides
When Teri and Cindy were young, we had an Ugly Bride box where we kept pictures of ugly brides we cut out of the newspaper. The box was my silverware chest which I kept on top of the refrigerator. I never used that silverware as it was my special, silver-plated, May Queen, good set from the wedding. I always saved my best things for the proper times that usually never presented themselves. But the ugly brides were safe in it.
These days there are no ugly brides. Every bride in the paper is beautiful, slim, with good parents who have good careers. When did this happen? Are people just more beautiful now or is it the use of cosmetics, plastic surgery, botox and Jenny Craig? It was so much more fun in the old days. The girls and I would scour the paper every week for ugly ones and we usually came up with some. Our favorite was one who was quite overweight and was going to honeymoon in The Dalles. Who would honeymoon in The Dalles? We had so much fun with all this, but I don’t know how many people knew about it as I’m sure they would have thought us very demented and strange. We were, but we were enjoying it. Every so often I’d drag the silverware chest down from the fridge and we’d go through it, always looking for the one who honeymooned in The Dalles. I think it’s a shame there are no more ugly brides, because I could start a new box and we girls could enjoy it when we get together. But the good times can’t last forever.
Teri and Cindy still ask me where the brides are and I have no idea. I have looked everywhere –- even in a tiny drawer in my desk that holds many strange things! I just went through it and found my business card from when I ran The Last Wound-Up, a wind-up toy store. I found two little photos of wash hanging out on a line – I had a big thing for wash on clotheslines. There was a pin that says, “How About Them HOGS!!” And there was a little business card that says, “Have a nice day…Asshole.” There was also a little photo of me that I used when I applied for government work in Wash. DC. All those articles are very important, so back in the tiny little drawer they went. When Cindy was married, I gave her the silverware with the chest, and I must have lost the brides. I certainly wasn’t thinking straight when I did that! Cindy used the silverware and washed it in the dishwasher which turned it all white and funny looking. She also fed her dog out of a sterling silver bowl she received as a wedding present. Cindy’s homemaking skills have improved considerably since those days, and now her dog eats out of a regular dog dish or cleans up Cindy’s plate of leftovers.
When I was a little girl, my family used to cut out the Rose Festival pictures of all the princesses every year. They were always so very pretty, and my dad always picked a blonde girl to win. We had a lot of fun doing that – kind of like the Ugly Bride thing the girls and I did later. We girls did cut out pictures of the Rose Festival princesses years ago, and I always enjoyed trying to pick the queen. Now I could do the same these days with pictures of the Rose Festival princesses . . . . oh, I forget . . . they are now ambassadors . . . . but I think I’d better just leave that one alone.
When Teri and Cindy were young, we had an Ugly Bride box where we kept pictures of ugly brides we cut out of the newspaper. The box was my silverware chest which I kept on top of the refrigerator. I never used that silverware as it was my special, silver-plated, May Queen, good set from the wedding. I always saved my best things for the proper times that usually never presented themselves. But the ugly brides were safe in it.
These days there are no ugly brides. Every bride in the paper is beautiful, slim, with good parents who have good careers. When did this happen? Are people just more beautiful now or is it the use of cosmetics, plastic surgery, botox and Jenny Craig? It was so much more fun in the old days. The girls and I would scour the paper every week for ugly ones and we usually came up with some. Our favorite was one who was quite overweight and was going to honeymoon in The Dalles. Who would honeymoon in The Dalles? We had so much fun with all this, but I don’t know how many people knew about it as I’m sure they would have thought us very demented and strange. We were, but we were enjoying it. Every so often I’d drag the silverware chest down from the fridge and we’d go through it, always looking for the one who honeymooned in The Dalles. I think it’s a shame there are no more ugly brides, because I could start a new box and we girls could enjoy it when we get together. But the good times can’t last forever.
Teri and Cindy still ask me where the brides are and I have no idea. I have looked everywhere –- even in a tiny drawer in my desk that holds many strange things! I just went through it and found my business card from when I ran The Last Wound-Up, a wind-up toy store. I found two little photos of wash hanging out on a line – I had a big thing for wash on clotheslines. There was a pin that says, “How About Them HOGS!!” And there was a little business card that says, “Have a nice day…Asshole.” There was also a little photo of me that I used when I applied for government work in Wash. DC. All those articles are very important, so back in the tiny little drawer they went. When Cindy was married, I gave her the silverware with the chest, and I must have lost the brides. I certainly wasn’t thinking straight when I did that! Cindy used the silverware and washed it in the dishwasher which turned it all white and funny looking. She also fed her dog out of a sterling silver bowl she received as a wedding present. Cindy’s homemaking skills have improved considerably since those days, and now her dog eats out of a regular dog dish or cleans up Cindy’s plate of leftovers.
When I was a little girl, my family used to cut out the Rose Festival pictures of all the princesses every year. They were always so very pretty, and my dad always picked a blonde girl to win. We had a lot of fun doing that – kind of like the Ugly Bride thing the girls and I did later. We girls did cut out pictures of the Rose Festival princesses years ago, and I always enjoyed trying to pick the queen. Now I could do the same these days with pictures of the Rose Festival princesses . . . . oh, I forget . . . they are now ambassadors . . . . but I think I’d better just leave that one alone.
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