A Corkscrew Dilemma

I’m wondering if anyone else has trouble getting the cork out of a wine bottle. I didn’t used to have any problem, but now the corks are being made out of plastic . . . or maybe that’s just the corks in cheap wine which I usually buy as I can’t tell the difference between cheap or not cheap. When I drink it by myself, 1/3 of a glass will give me a headache which is not that much fun. But on a recent weekend, it was so hot and I was so bored that I decided the time was right for a 1/3 glass of wine . . . even with a headache. But I couldn’t get the damn cork out of the bottle!

My friends, Diane and Doyle, had given me a fancy new opener: Zyliss Swiss Innovation Cork Steward. I’m sure it cost much more than any bottle of wine I’ve ever had. But I couldn’t get it to work, so I used my old one which got stuck in the cork and just twisted the cork around and around in the bottle, not loosening it at all. So I went outside, looking for a man who was strong enough to pull the cork out. But I think everyone in my complex was away for the holiday and I could find no one. I finally gave up and decided to wait until the next day which was Sunday. I stuck the bottle in the fridge with the corkscrew sticking out of it. So Sunday afternoon I started in again on a new bottle with the new fancy opener but still couldn’t get it open. I was furious! Several months ago that happened to me, and I jumped in my car and drove to the exclusive little wine shop in my neighborhood with a bottle and a corkscrew stuck in the top. As I went in I yelled, “Can anyone help me open a bottle of wine?” The men were very accommodating and one pulled it out with brute strength. But this was Sunday, and I doubt they were open. And besides, they might recognize me.

So I went out looking for a man again. There was absolutely no one around except for one lone man at my bus stop. I was tempted to take the bottle to him, but figured the bus might come before he could get the cork out. So there I sat with two bottles of wine that I couldn’t open. About that time Diane called to see if I had had any luck, and as I was trying to sound calm, rather than hysterical which I was at the moment, I could hear Doyle screaming in the background, “I’m not going down there to open her wine!” I don’t know why he was being so difficult, but they do live clear across town which probably had something to do with his bad attitude. So we decided to have breakfast the next morning which we did. After breakfast Doyle pulled the cork out of the one bottle and used the new corkscrew they gave me on the other bottle and it worked perfectly. I must practice more.

So now I have two opened bottles of wine in my refrigerator which will probably take at least 3 weeks to drink. Does wine ever get old?