So here I am on a Sunday morning having breakfast and reading the “Parade” magazine -- something I do every Sunday morning -- when I come to the article entitled “How to Stay Healthy on a Plane.” I immediately jump up and shout, “It’s not possible!” But I figure I have nothing better to do at the moment except floss my teeth, so I start reading.

The first problem is dry cabin air which can dry out mucous membranes in the upper airway where bacteria can get at you. So you should have at least 8 ounces of bottled water or fruit juice for each hour of traveling. That means you would be spending a lot of time in the tiny, little bathroom that EVERYONE uses! In there would be germs from all sorts of people . . . people you might never want in your own home, let alone your bathroom! And nix on alcohol or caffeinated drinks which are dehydrating. Where did the good times go when you had no worries about getting on a plane and you could smoke and drink as much as you wanted?

The next problem is blood clots (DVT). This can develop in the deep veins of your legs, when you will be spending a long time on one flight. The article lists people at risk such as some cancer patients, severely obese people, smokers, pregnant women, women on birth control pills, people with vascular or circulatory problems and on and on. I think there were a few others, and I believe they covered nearly every person in the world! To avoid getting DVT, you can stretch or walk around every hour. Good luck with that what with dodging the drink carts and the seat belts on most of the time. Don’t cross your legs and don’t sleep for a long period of time. You should get your legs above your heart which is easiest if you’re in a first-class sleeper. Isn’t everything easier in first class? But it’s also possible in a bulkhead economy-class seat. If you’re fortunate to get one of those seats – I don’t believe there are very many available – you can put your feet up on the wall in front of you. All this information is very good, but I can barely afford a coach seat and then I take what they give me. Do the airlines even care that all their passengers are getting DVT on their planes? Why can’t they make seats where your legs can be pointing at the ceiling? Is that too much to ask? And God forbid that you should get any of the myriad of symptoms for DVT such as redness in the leg, swelling, pain and many others. And NEVER massage your leg which would be dangerous. If this happens, you should notify the flight attendant who hopefully has had about 7 years of medical training in that field. Fat chance of that happening!

The next problem has to do with germs which run rampant in planes. The advice is to wash your hands continuously throughout the flight. That means you would be the only occupant in the bathroom for the entire flight! If that can’t be done, get an antibacterial gel cleaner and use that on your hands every time you touch your body, anyone else’s body or any inanimate object. In other words, don’t touch anything – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – without first using the gel! All this seems to boil down to a plane full of passengers with their feet all pointing at the ceiling and rubbing themselves with antibacterial gel throughout the entire trip.

My advice for safe travel is: DON’T FLY!