“America Wants You!”


Tommy, Billy and Fred were all prepared to join the armed forces. The local recruitment office had sent its representatives to the boys’ elementary school the day before. It was getting to be quite a problem finding new recruits. No one seemed too eager to go to a foreign country where they would force people to embrace democracy and most likely be killed for their efforts. But the recruiters had brought popsicles to the school, and since it was a hot day and the boys were thirsty, they decided the guys were really nice and may have good ideas.

They were a little uncertain about the whole WMD thing. What were WMDs, and would they know one when they found it? And were there actually any over there? Everyone wondered the same thing. And why did George Bush keep worrying about “nucular” problems in other countries? The boys didn’t know what “nucular” meant . . . and neither did we. And what did “Axis of Evil” mean? The recruiters couldn’t answer any of those questions. I imagine the only person who could was George Bush, and he was at his Texas ranch clearing brush and riding his dirt bike at the time and couldn’t be reached.

It would have been helpful if they could have attended one of the many appearances made by our president throughout the country – maybe they could have learned more about his reasons for going to war. But since his appearances were by invitation only and just his party members were allowed access, the boys would probably have been roughed up a bit if they had tried very hard to get in.

So here they are, all ready to go bring democracy to everyone around the world – whether they want it or not. They’re practicing their salutes. They really do need more practice.