There was an interesting article in the paper the other day about vitamins. It asked the question “Do you really need all those supplement pills?” I was eating breakfast at the time, and was just about ready to take my pills which consisted of approximately 50 supplements . . . or maybe it just seems like that many. Whatever the amount, it’s too much. The article says the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition notes that there’s not enough evidence to recommend taking them or not taking them. So why even bring up the subject? And Paul Coates, director of the NIH Office of Dietary Supplements states the following: “If you’re taking a multivitamin, there’s no reason to stop. But if you’re not taking a multivitamin, there’s also no reason to start taking one, either.” What the hell does that mean? I repeated that quote over and over again out loud, thinking it would make more sense to me if I could hear myself saying it, but it only made me light headed and loopy! So I leaped up from the breakfast table, grabbed all my vitamins, raced into the bathroom – bouncing off the walls as I ran -- and flushed them down the toilet! I stood there, twirling around and laughing hysterically as I watched them swirl around the toilet bowl. Then I began waiting for the toilet to start spitting up. I could just visualize the water gushing over the rim and all the vitamins skidding across my bathroom floor! It never happened, but I remembered an article I had read about not flushing pills down the toilet as they might, at some time, make their way into the water we drink. But all I flushed were vitamins which would just make us healthy. I didn’t flush any prescription medications like Prozac, xanax or ecstasy which could make us all anxiety free and more relaxed. Now that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, would it? Come to think of it, I don’t think you can get ecstasy with a prescription.

I don’t know how much of that actually happened. Maybe I was just dreaming . . . but where did the dream start and where did it end? I don’t know the answer to that, but I really liked it!

I finally settled down and returned to my breakfast table where the latest Time magazine was sitting. I immediately turned to the last page – that’s the way I read that magazine – back to front. The last page always has something that catches your eye, and this one was no exception. There was a quote by Donald Rumsfeld, philosopher -- that’s what it actually called him. I think the quote explains perfectly what was written in the vitamin article and just what it meant. Here it is: “There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” I think Donald did an excellent job explaining the entire vitamin situation . . . we know nothing. Donald knows what that’s like!

That quote also sent me spinning around, but I hope to get myself under control pretty soon.

Obesity: do we love it, hate it or are we just plain sick of hearing about it?

There was an interesting article in the newspaper the other day about a new drug being developed by Pfizer for overweight dogs. Pfizer must have finally realized the general public is getting sick and tired of hearing every day on television and in the newspapers about how obese we are. So some of us are fat? Give it a rest! Move on to something new and more interesting. If people are overweight, they will deal with it as they see fit.

I’m thinking maybe Pfizer thought there was still something left to milk out of the obesity subject. Why not try dogs? So Pfizer went to work and discovered Slentrol. The name even makes you feel slimmer! There are lots of fat little puppies running around that could definitely use some help. Now all they have to do is have their owners visit the local vet and get a supply of Slentrol.

But I can see many problems with this new discovery. The dog owner might be fat also, so if it works on the dog, why not on the owner? I can just see women dragging fat little dogs . . . maybe even borrowing some if they don’t have their own . . . to the vet and asking for the drug for their overweight dogs. The FDA discourages the drug’s use for humans as there are many side effects, but you know how humans are. They don’t always listen to good advice. The vet is supposed to monitor the monthly weight change of the dog on the drug and adjust the daily dosage. I don’t suppose they would do the same for the owner. That reminds me of an episode of “Seinfeld” . . . everything reminds me of “Seinfeld” . . . when every doctor in Manhattan refused to treat Elaine’s rash because she was very difficult, so she ended up at a vet’s office, and he also refused to treat her rash. It seems the physicians had sent her chart to the vet so he would be apprised of her difficult behavior. . . oh well, I guess you just had to be there.

There was another interesting article on the same subject: obesity. Only this time it’s in China. They have recently put restrictions on adoptions by foreigners such as those who are single, older than 50, taking antidepressants or are obese. In China fat is basically bad. In the 19th century, a sign of great wealth and success was being heavy, but more recently China has been a very poor country, and everyone is thin. Even though their country is now doing well, they feel that smaller is better. In our country, we are supposed to embrace diversity in everything, but that’s not the case in China. So if you want to adopt a little Chinese baby, you better start out skinny which should help your chances considerably in the adoption of a skinny, little Chinese baby.

Cheerleaders Gone Wild

There’s been quite a lot going on in McKinney, Texas, recently. I’ve never heard of that city but finally found it on a map, fairly close to Dallas. It must be a little podunk-type town where everything revolves around football, but then doesn’t everything in Texas revolve around football? One article refers to McKinney as an “affluent bedroom community.” I don’t think I’d want a bedroom in that town. There are cheerleaders there at McKinney North High School who have made quite a name for themselves . . . several names in fact. They’ve been called “Girls Gone Wild” and the “Fab Five.” These girls have wreaked havoc on the coaches – five have resigned in the past 3 years – and other students. They considered themselves an elite social clique that was above the rules set down by the school. And what I find really crazy is the fact that the principal of the school is the mother of the ringleader of these girls!

They put very risqué pictures on My Space showing them in their panties and drinking. But the clincher was the photo of the “Fab Five,” taken in a Condoms To Go store, in their cheerleading uniforms, posing with large candles shaped like penises. One even appeared to be simulating fellatio. I think now they should change their name to the “Fab Skanks.”

They were mean to other students, stole the cell phone from their coach and sent dirty text messages to her husband and to another coach. The girls seemed to be invincible and untouchable. No one could stop them. But the school finally took action. Their latest coach resigned in October and recounted her experiences to the media. The school suspended the girls in the drinking photo for 15 days and the condom photo for 30 days.
But parents objected so they changed it to 15 days for everyone.

In December, the principal resigned, receiving $75,000 and a letter of recommendation for her next job. Will she go on to another school where she’ll let skanky behavior flourish until someone spots it on MySpace? And why is she getting $75,000 for letting all this happen?

As the mother of two former high school cheerleaders, I didn’t have to deal with any of the problems the McKinney school had. My girls didn’t put their pictures on My Space because there was no MySpace. And there was no Condoms To Go store in our neighborhood . . . at least I don’t think there was. I’m sure there is now though. But just think how MySpace now provides a window through which we can observe the funky and snarky behavior of others and which also presents a medium where our young people can meet older men who wish nothing more than to be their mentors. Whatever in the world did we do before we had MySpace? What a wonderful world!

News out of Federal Way, Washington, last week was pretty disturbing and hard for me to believe. Apparently the school board has restricted showings of Al Gore’s movie on global warming, saying it must be balanced with an adequate opposing viewpoint. Opposing viewpoint? Is there one? Sunday night I watched a documentary on the Emperor and Adelie penguins of Antarctica and what is happening to the icebergs in that region due to global warming. Some of the penguin clans have already been destroyed due to the shifting formations of the ice. So what is an “adequate opposing viewpoint?”

The decision to curtail the showings of the movie was the result of complaints from a few parents who said their children actually believed what was said in the movie. One of the parents made this statement: “Condoms don’t belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He’s not a schoolteacher.” What do condoms have to do with anything? The woman who made the statement is the parent of seven – would she even know a condom if she saw one? I don’t think so! She obviously could have benefited from some sex education when she went to school. So the school board is restricting showings of the movie until an opposing view is also presented. None of the board members or the complainants has seen the movie.

If I were living in Federal Way, I’d be ashamed at what is going on. If I were thinking of moving to Federal Way, I’d change my mind immediately after reading that article. There really should be a special school for children whose parents don’t want them being forced to hear about subversive subjects such as sex education, evolution, global warming, R-rated movies, civil rights and Sacha Baron Cohen . . . I could go on and on. But just wait a minute . . . there is such a place. It’s called HOME SCHOOLING! They should try it.

“Whatever happened to my secretary, my personal shopper, my car service, my private yoga instructor . . . ?”

At one time, Teri had a very high-powered career in Manhattan which required the requisite apparel. She always looked very fashionable and sophisticated as she left for work in her stilettos, pencil skirt, tailored jacket, stylish T-shirt, and perfect hair and make-up. She was the consummate professional. But along the way this all came to a screeching halt. Teri became a mother, and her suits turned to chenille outfits from the nearest flea market.

Here she sits on the subway with her son, Harry, and dreams of her life that once was.

About Betty

Yesterday was a crazy day. I spent a long time trying to empty the air mattress I had in my computer room when Teri and family were here. Most of the air was out of it, but I tried to hook up the machine to suck the rest of it out. I kept hooking it up to the wrong place so the sucking wasn’t successful. I threw myself across the mattress, trying to squeeze the air out, but didn’t do too well that way either. I finally tried to fold it up like it was when I bought it – a little tiny thing that came in a little tiny box. That, of course, didn’t work either, so I stuffed it in a great big black garbage bag and shoved it in a closet after I emptied the other things out of the closet. Then I had to find a place for them.

While I was doing this, I realized my paper cutter was missing. It’s always in my computer room, so I had to go through the entire room several times. Then I went through the whole house. I looked in every closet, cupboard – under the bed, behind chests and then I did it again . . . and again. This was very disturbing to me. I even looked in my outside storage rooms . . . twice. I was a basket case. This continued throughout the evening until finally, at 1130pm, I remembered a place I hadn’t looked. So I leaped off the couch, which is my bed. I think everyone should sleep on the couch – you never have to worry about changing your bed and making square corners with the top sheet. All you have to do is wash the little sleeping bag thing in which you sleep. But I digress. So I leaped off my couch and ran into the laundry room and there was the paper cutter. It was in the little space between the washer and dryer. I then remembered I had hidden it there so Harry wouldn’t find it and maybe cut off a finger.

But while this was going on I was also looking at old family photos – I have a ton. I also looked at old photos Teri bought at a flea market in Manhattan for my defunct card business. When I was doing cards, I went to an intellectual attorney just once as the first call was free and I had no money for more calls. Anyway, she told me I couldn’t use any of those old photos even though they had been sold. Someone might see them and sue me for making fun of their ugly brides or kids which I certainly would have done. But I came across this one picture that really cracked me up and think it just might have become mixed up with my family photos. Could this be a long lost cousin? I’m pretty sure I never had a sister, and if I had I would certainly have given her help with her hair. I remember there was talk about someone who always heard strange things such as buzzing noises. Could this be the one being talked about, and did she have a bee hive on top of her body? And what’s with her eyes? It’s probably the reflection of her glasses, but it’s very weird. I decided to call her Betty.

My family spent Christmas at Cindy’s condo in Washington. Teri, Mark and Harry came up from California and I from Oregon. Cindy’s two boys were home from college and I was able to spend time with them which I have never before done in such close quarters. Cindy has a small condo, so there was much togetherness. Nick, the younger son, is into philosophy, religion, mythology and those types of studies. Since I am not a religious person, know nothing about mythology and next to nothing about philosophy . . . actually nothing about philosophy, I just listened to him. He is studying music and played some choral music by Palestrina that was so beautiful it made me cry. I would say my time spent with Nick was very enriching and valuable to me. I also spent some time alone with Pat, the older son, when he drove me home to the Bed&Breakfast where I was staying. It was only about 4 blocks away, but neither one of us could find it. I’m terrible with directions, and Pat had no idea where we were going. We finally did get there, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent alone with Pat . . . and I didn’t cry at all. Of course, we weren’t listening to beautiful music.

Teri, Cindy and I had our usual conversation which went something like this:

1. Does my butt look fat?
2. Do I need more botox?
3. Is my hair too long?
1. Are you sure my butt doesn’t look fat?
2. Do you think I need botox?
3. Should I cut my hair or not . . . come on now, I need help!
1. Shut up already! We’re all vain, so live with it.

This could have gone on all night, but we wisely decided to spend time on Christmas- related topics such as kids and food. Harry, my youngest grandson, was so enamored with his two older cousins that we didn’t spend time alone – that came later at my house.

Christmas Eve we opened presents which went on for quite some time as there were a lot to open. Christmas Day Cindy cooked her famous rib roast. It was so rare that I imagine all she did was open the oven door and pass the roast quickly by. It was delicious! I love rare meat – hardly cooked at all – and so do Teri and Cindy. I taught them well. I wasn’t sure how everyone else felt about the blood rare meat, but who cares? We girls loved it and that was enough for me!

On Christmas Day we all went to a movie like everyone does on Christmas. We saw “Casino Royale” which we all loved. It was my first Bond movie, and I fell in love with Daniel Craig who plays James Bond. He is rugged, virile, handsome and very cute! I think everyone felt the same way about him . . . maybe not the falling in love part though.

The day after Christmas, Teri and family and I took the train back to Portland to my house. I made Harry’s favorite meal -- baked spam with my secret sauce, and chocolate cookies all smashed up and mixed with whipped cream. He had that for two nights while I cooked grown-up food for the rest of us. I think we all were secretly wishing we were eating spam and pigging out on chocolate cookies and whipped cream with Harry. The best thing was when we realized “Law&Order” was having a TV marathon on Saturday and Sunday! How could we have been so lucky? Harry, Teri and I are big fans of all the “Law&Order” shows, so we had them going all the time. Mark sneaked away to a sports bar across the street to watch a football game. There were games on? During the Christmas season? How rude!

Teri and family left on NY’s Day and I started putting my home back together.
I think there’s a good reason for having Christmas just once a year. It takes a year to recover while, at the same time, getting ready for the next year’s Christmas.