“Rescue Me” season finale

Well, it’s all over and it was quite a show. It opens with Tommy in the station house with the others. But it’s before 9/11 and his dead firefighter cousin, Jimmy, is there kidding around with everyone. After that scene, they meet the new interim chief replacing heart-attack Jerry. His name is Pecher, with a French accent, but they call him Chief Pecker and enjoy different ways to use the name pecker.

The new chief goes to his office to get a magazine, but he finds Sean and Maggie having sex on his desk. Sean explains how they are newly married, and Maggie screams, “Get out of here, you perv . . . GET OUT!! Sean pulls the magazine out from under them and the chief gingerly takes it and leaves the room.

Tommy and Janet meet at his place and go into a private room to discuss her pregnancy. Janet says it might be Johnny’s baby and Tommy says it couldn’t as his sperm is better than Johnny’s. Their little girl pokes her head into the room and asks about sperm. So Tommy stutters around and comes out with “It’s like Spam only more protein and hard to find in a store.” Makes sense to me.

The Probie makes a date with a new girl who wants her brother to tag along. It turns out to be more than that. He later tells Sean about it who immediately tells everyone in the station. Probie is mad, but they tell him it’s required by law to talk about it. After much discussion, they all agree that banging a Hansel and Gretel combo is not a bad thing.

The chief escapes from the hospital and shows up at the station in his little hospital gown – some cab picked him up off the street. They take him away and Tommy wonders how he could have been wandering around the streets for so long. Lou answers, “It’s New York – there’s a guy in a hospital gown on every corner.”

Maggie and Sean are back in bed at home, finally, and she tells him that sex is really better at the fire house. Sean thinks it might be against the rules, but she tells him how great it was on the desk with all the papers flying around, the desk creaking, the pencils sticking her thigh and the feel of the desk blotter on her bare butt. So they jump up and are off to the station.

All the guys are together and all saying they won’t be leaving the job. Franco screwed up his lieutenant’s test intentionally, Probie realizes he wants to stay with his friends, Lou discovered he can’t stand being on the water in a boat or even near one, Sean never was going to leave and Tommy never did want to go.

The last scene has Tommy at Sheilah’s new home on the water which she bought and decorated, thinking Tommy would be living there with her. She fixes a wonderful dinner for him and then he tells her he didn’t put his papers in to retire. She is freaked out by that, but holds it all together. She asks if he even planned on spending the night with her. He doesn’t answer, so she decides to fix his drink. She fixes it by putting something in it to make him fall asleep, which he does, while they’re watching “Meerkat Manor.” I loved that. After a while she gets tired of his sleeping and really angry that he won’t be living there with her, and she jumps up and goes crazy in the house. She throws things all over and starts a fire. She tries to put it out but can’t, and Tommy is sound asleep and she can’t wake him up, so she runs out of the house. For an instant, I wonder if she plans on just leaving him there . . . I guess I’ll never know. She screams all over outside and can’t speak coherently when she calls 911 on the car phone, so she goes back inside and tries to drag Tommy out who has now come to his senses, partially. The show ends with doors and windows being blown out of the house and the whole place more or less exploding. People have gathered outside and are watching as the house explodes and goes up in flames. Quite an ending! I’m assuming Tommy will recover from his burns or smoke inhalation as will Sheilah and both will be back for the next season.

In the meantime, what am I going to do . . . . .

“Rescue Me”

I just watched “Rescue Me” – my favorite tv show. I taped it last week so I could watch it twice. Doesn’t everyone do that? The next episode will be the season finale. I’ll be very sad when it’s gone – why couldn’t it be there all year for people who need it . . . people like me. “Rescue Me” is a very well-written show by Denis Leary and Peter Tolan. Denis stars in it. It’s outrageous, humorous, crazy, dramatic and everything else. It’s about a group of firefighers in one station house, examining their characters and also their private lives.

In this episode, Tommy(Denis Leary) gives the chief some Viagra because he’s going to be having sex with a woman he met who is taking care of his Alzheimer’s wife who lives in a nursing home. This woman is an illegal – maybe from Jamaica. So right in the middle of sex, the chief falls off the woman and yells for her to call 911. She yells back that she can’t do that since she’s an illegal, so she puts on her clothes and away she goes. Meanwhile, the chief is by this time lying on the floor and looking quite dead. However, some firefighters break into his house the next day and find him and he ends up in the hospital, hoping to recover from a heart attack.

Sheila, Tommy’s “sort of” girlfriend, who is the widow of Tommy’s cousin – also a firefighter – wants to use her 3 million dollars from the widows’ fund of 9/11 to buy a house for the two of them in the Hamptons, I believe. Tommy is not really sold on that idea at this time. He’s just found out he may be the father of his pregnant, ex-wife’s baby . . . or the father could be Tommy’s brother, Johnny, who is now living with Janet, the ex-wife. But Johnny, a cop, is shot on a stake-out, so a funeral has to be planned.

Some of the guys are thinking of leaving the business. The Probie, Mike, wants to transfer as he’s the newest member and is always being kidded about things . . . lately about whether or not he’s gay. No one really cares, they just kid him. Lou wants to go to Florida and live on a fishing boat and wants Tommy to go with him. Sean, who is a tiny bit slow, is going to marry Tommy’s sister, Maggie, who’s been married many times already. She is wild and really, really crazy . . . and very scary. She’s portrayed by Tatum O’Neal who does a great job of playing crazy and scary . . . or maybe she’s not playing at all.

So at Johnny’s funeral, Tommy sees dead people . . . firefighters, his dead son, cousin and so on. He doesn’t actually see them even though we see them walking around during the ceremony. This is all just in his mind, I hope. After it’s over, Maggie offers the priest $500 to marry Sean and her right then and there. During the ceremony, a man comes up and tells them they’re standing on his mother, so they move 10 feet away and continue the service. When Maggie throws the bouquet, it lands in front of a woman bending over a grave, arranging flowers. Sheila races up and grabs the bouquet away from her.

At the party and dance after the funeral/wedding, Sheila tells Tommy she bought the house for them and he tells her he’s quitting the FDNY. I’ll see what happens in the finale tonight which I, of course, will tape.

On a recent Sunday morning, I sat down to breakfast with my muffin and the “Parade” magazine. I checked for anything good to watch on tv while I was eating, and I came up with two choices: “How to Boil Water” on the Food Channel and the second half of “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” an old 1954 movie with Richard Carlson, Richard Denning and Julie Adams. “How to Boil Water” would never have held my interest, so I opted for the movie. The characters were on a scientific expedition on an old, decrepit boat on the Amazon River. Their goal was to capture a prehistoric creature with gills that lived underwater – the gillman. The creature was horrible looking with gills all over and really weird eyes. The people on the boat looked like they had just been made up for a party. As I came in during the middle of the movie, I missed out on everything that had already transpired, but I did my best to catch up.

Julie was always in freshly pressed white shorts and starched blouse with her hair looking as if she had just stepped out of a salon. The men wore black swim trunks – no speedos for them - and looked very handsome with perfectly styled hair. Apparently the gillman thought Julie was really hot, and there had been a scene before I tuned in where Julie was swimming in the river – how stupid is that with a gillman on the loose. She was in a one-piece swim suit, looking hot, of course, and the gillman swam right beneath her and even touched her feet. That was a sexually charged scene for those days – I’m sorry I missed it. The gillman killed one of the guys and almost tore the face off of another so that all you saw of him was a bunch of bandages and his eyes jumping around in his head. The gillman finally reached his claw hand up on the boat and grabbed Julie, dragging her down into the depths of the river. They ended up in some cave where I guess he was going to marry her . . . or something. But the guys rescued her and she came out of the water, still in her pressed, white shorts and beautiful hair.

The men sprayed the gillman with Rotenone - a pesticide that my dad used on his fruit trees to kill aphids, I think - to sort of knock him out. Then they shot him with arrows. I saw the gillman sink to the bottom of the river and figured he was dead. I actually felt sorry for him as all he ever wanted was to be alone in that river with his beautiful Julie by his side. But after checking the internet, it looks like he might still be alive. In fact, he returns in 2 more sequels, “Revenge of the Creature” in 1955 and “The Creature Walks Among Us” in 1956. Someday I’ll see the first half of that movie.

The “Today” show on NBC, August 24, 2006

As I was getting ready for my morning shower and standing naked in front of my bedroom tv, I caught part of a segment on organic food for infants. There was a discussion on whether organic food was better than the old kind in the little tiny jars I used for my girls. It went on to show a woman who would go into your home and puree, beat, whip, cream and stir all sorts of organic food into mush for your baby. Apparently it’s being done in Manhattan and Los Angeles right now. That’s no big surprise. She mentioned one mixture of raisins, asparagus and couscous that she prepared. That almost made me physically ill. I hate raisins – I was forced to eat them in rice pudding when I was in grade school. I had to sit there until I had eaten it all up. I don’t remember much more about grade school except for the time Kumeo spit chocolate on my face as I was swinging along the monkey bars and he was sitting on top. I think he liked me. Of course, I told on him, and I think he was punished by having to sit in the lunchroom and eat rice pudding with raisins. Anyway . . . I had to run to my computer and check the internet to find out how to spell couscous where I found pictures of three different kinds: Israeli couscous, Sardinian couscous and Mediterranean couscous. They all looked bad, and that recipe is disgusting. Just imagine mixing raisins, stringy asparagus and couscous together and serving it to infants.

When my girls were little, I fed them out of tiny jars. They loved squash and ate a lot of that. They wouldn’t eat asparagus or beans which was fine with me. They may have eaten peas but the squash was the best – also carrots. Applesauce was a favorite. It was so easy to open a jar and have everything all mashed up and ready to go. I had no idea what organic was at that time, and would not have changed anything if I had.

When Cindy outgrew the baby food, she started sitting at the table with us in her high chair. Of course, half of the food would go on the floor so we used what we called “the slop blanket.” It was a cotton blanket we would spread under the high chair where a lot of the food would be dropped and immediately eaten by whatever dog we had at the time. It was Teri’s job to fix the slop blanket, so I would call out, “Teri, get the slop blanket.” Then we would all sit down for a pleasant family meal.

I don’t know how the “Today” segment ended on the organic baby food except that one expert said it was no better than the old kind. I could have told them that. I finally got into the shower and started my day.

“Time” magazine, August 21, 2006

I was looking through this issue and came across an article entitled “New Tricks for Living Past 96.” I immediately thought, “All right – it’s about time someone came up with that idea.” I clicked on the website which is Eons.com, but the first thing I saw was a place for me to put my age. Now that’s just too personal, so I clicked off and went back to the written article. There were several questions from the Eons longevity calculator, whatever the hell that is, so I concentrated on them.

1. Do you have family living nearby? My daughters aren’t nearby but I have other family members and many friends, so I think I have that one covered.
2. How many years of formal education do you have? I’m a college graduate but was never very formal. I hope that’s good enough.
3. Do you floss your teeth? I do even better than that! I floss after every meal, push a toothpick contraption between my teeth and use a tiny little brush that I squeeze between all my teeth. Then I brush. You can’t do much better than that. I do the evening routine, lying on my bed while watching Seinfeld. He’s a big part of my dental care routine. When my friends call me at 6:30pm, they don’t need to ask what I’m doing or where I am . . . they already know.
4. Do you have a bowel movement at least every other day? Do I ever! Sometimes as many as 3 a day. Some days I consider setting up permanent residence in my bathroom.

I don’t know how I came out on these questions. I’ll just have to wait and see if I make it to 96.

My daughters sometimes kid me about being obsessive what with the dental routine and my preoccupation with my bowel habits. I think they’re just jealous and wish they could be more like me. No way am I obsessive. I can’t imagine why anyone would even think such a . . . . . . . . uhh . . . wait just a minute. I really have to go. I just noticed one of my paintings on the wall that’s a little out of line with the others, and I have to straighten it RIGHT NOW!

I just returned from a week in Los Angeles with Teri and her family. Teri had surgery, and I was there to help with her recovery. One of my duties was taking care of the four cats and one dog. The cats were very sweet when they were asleep, but when they awoke, they tore around the room, leaping on everything and everyone. It was like watching a “Cats on Crack” movie! I fed them in their individual little bowls in different places and also managed the kitty litter. I had a bad experience with the kitty litter thing, and when I tried to tell Teri about it, she said “That’s so disgusting – I don’t want you to ever mention it to me again!” When Teri speaks, I listen. So I went on my way and managed quite well. The two little kittens were into everything as you can see from the picture. Mark told me of a time when he was standing in front of the toilet and just beginning to go, when one of the little ones jumped up on the toilet seat, bending over into the bowl! Mark had to give the kitty a bath after they both finished what they were doing.

Teri and I watched a few movies. Our favorite was the 1947 film noir “Kiss of Death” with Victor Mature and Richard Widmark. That movie made Richard a star. In one scene he pushed an old lady in a wheelchair - after he’d tied her in - down a flight of stairs which killed her, of course. He was doing his maniacal giggling throughout that scene. He was very, very bad and was exceptionally good at it. I’ve always had a fantasy crush on him, but it never included a wheelchair.

Sally and David, friends of Teri and Mark, invited us over for a delicious dinner one evening. They are gracious, fun people and made me feel right at home. David made pork chops that were extremely tender and tasty. After I ate mine I told them I hadn’t eaten pork chops in several years as the last time I had, a big piece of pork became stuck in my throat and I couldn’t breathe in or out. I was panic stricken, thinking I might possibly die with no one around. But would I have wanted an audience? I somehow managed to give myself a “do-it-yourself” Heimlich maneuver over the kitchen sink, and the pork popped out. Nothing like that happened with David’s pork chops – they just slid right down and I didn’t require any emergency services at all. And they were really good!

I did some cooking while I was there. I made Teri’s favorite dish called Veal Tinies. It’s my own special recipe I made up when I was a normal housewife with a husband and two kids. It’s a secret so no one else can make it. I also made Mark’s favorite dish which is Chicken Divan. That one’s no secret, but it’s sure good.

We showed Harry the blog about him that I put on recently. It’s the one where they all had been to the OSU/USC football game. His only comment was, “How am I supposed to get any girls if they read about my crapping on the USC campus?” Harry’s only 10, so I told him that wasn’t my problem, and he shouldn’t even be worrying about things like that for at least another 10 years.

So I’m home now and off kitty litter duty. I’m also off Veal Tinies and Chicken Divan which I’ll miss. Today I bought two Lean Quisines which I really do like. I especially like the “no cooking” involved with them. I had a wonderful time with Teri and would go back in a minute to help out. At least the next time I would have no trouble with the kitty litter.

What about the mice?

In the “Oregonian” newspaper today, 8/9/06, in the Science section, there’s an article stating that ultrasounds may cause brain abnormalities in mice fetuses. It goes on to say,
“When pregnant mice were exposed to ultrasound, a small number of nerve cells in the developing brains of their fetuses failed to extend correctly in the cerebral cortex.” Dr. Pasko Rakic, lead researcher and chairman of the neurobiology department at Yale University School of Medicine, states that ultrasound on human fetuses for medical purposes should not be abandoned, but that women should avoid unnecessary ultrasound scans until more research has been done. It is becoming increasingly popular for some couples to make “Keepsake Sonograms.” Tom Cruise even went so far as to purchase his very own ultrasound machine for his and his fiance’s private use. Did they use it every day? Is Tom a doctor or does he just play one in his house? And why hasn’t anyone seen Suri?

There have been warnings about hair dyes used on mice that might cause brain damage and now shampoos. There must be one hell of a lot of mice running around with dyed hair, waiting for some malfunction to take place. And are they constantly being shampooed? What happens to all these mice and their babies after being subjected to numerous ultrasounds?

Is all this experimentation with mice benefiting us, the general public? I think the information about excessive sonograms should be taken seriously. However, the news about hair dye and shampoo won’t stop me from shampooing every day and seeing my hair guy when needed. If my brain is going sour, I don’t realize it, so I guess that’s enough for me. I just feel sorry for all the mice.

“Harry calls his broker an idiot.”

My grandson, Harry, is very precocious for his age. As you can see from this picture, he’s checking in with his broker from a Manhattan pay phone. I think he left his cell phone home in the toilet where it fell as he was bending over to check the size of his poop. He was hoping to outdo his Aunt Cindy who, as a child, held the family record for the biggest ones ever.

Harry can be very hard on his broker when it’s necessary, especially when he once told Harry to buy mutual funds which promptly went down the toilet – possibly with the cell phone. I have an idea he’ll be changing brokers soon as he just can’t put up with anymore incompetence.

When Harry was about 5 years old, Teri, Mark and Harry took Rita and her family to a USC – Oregon State University football game in Los Angeles. Rita and Teri had both graduated from OSU. After the game they tried to get Harry to go to the restroom before leaving the stadium, but he refused. So as they were walking with the crowd away from the stadium, Harry announced he had to go and couldn’t wait. So he got out of the line of pedestrians and pooped behind a blade of grass. The whole incident was very embarrassing - - but funny - - and incredibly stinky. The ride home was no longer funny and even stinkier. But no one will ever forget the day Harry took a dump on the USC campus. Very fitting since USC won that afternoon.

“Parade” magazine article, Sunday, July 23, 2006

On that Sunday morning, I sat down to breakfast, as I usually do, with my food and the “Parade” magazine. I like the celebrity gossip on the back of the front page and the celebrity interview on the back page. I don’t know if I could get through breakfast without it and hate to think what would happen to me if they stopped printing it. I was having waffles that morning. They weren’t the good kind my mom used to make from scratch – they weren’t even the sort of good ones I used to make on my wedding present waffle iron which was really, really old. The last time I used my waffle iron it was for company I had over for breakfast, and it was a complete disaster. The waffles stuck to the old waffle iron, and there was no way I could pick them out. I got so upset, I grabbed it and ran outside to the garbage and dumped it all. When I came back in I fixed something else for the startled company – probably some sort of cereal. This Sunday I was having frozen waffles you toast in the toaster which I think was a fantastic invention.

As I started eating and reading, I came across an article entitled “Could You Have A Rare Disease?” I immediately shouted, “Yes, I could!!” A few of the diseases mentioned were Cat eye syndrome, Stiff person syndrome, Jumping Frenchmen of Maine condition, Prune belly syndrome, SCID and SCAD. I hurried to the internet to look them up to see if I qualified for anything. Prune belly was described as “lack of development of abdominal muscles, causing the skin of the abdomen to wrinkle like a prune.” I figured that could be a possibility as the years went by until I came to the place where it mentioned “undescended testicle.” I then crossed Prune belly off the list. Of all the diseases I checked, Jumping Frenchmen of Maine condition interested me the most. One of the symptoms was “unusually extreme startle reaction.” I sometimes jump when the phone rings. Could I possibly have Jumping Frenchmen of Maine condition?

When I finally left the computer and got back to my waffle, it was cold and the syrup and butter had congealed on top. But I still had my “Parade.”

This is one of those old-time quarantine pictures – you know the kind. Jim and I were locked in and no one was allowed out or in - - just look at the sign by the door. Can you imagine what would happen these days if there were signs put up for things such as Restless Legs Syndrome, social anxiety, OCD, IBS, STD, erectile dysfunction, bird flu, mad cow disease and so on? Over half the country would be quarantined all the time which would allow much more room at the malls and less traffic on the freeways. Come to think of it, that wouldn’t be half bad.

It was winter in this scene and our skis and a sled were on the back porch. I appear to be very happy with a smiling face but Jim looks very glum. Why is he so glum? Is it because he has itchy red spots all over his body and he’s afraid I’ll get well before he does and get to use the sled that supposedly belongs to him? He’d better worry because that’s just what I’m going to do. MY SPOTS ARE ALL GONE!